btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
