and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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