I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
