You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pooping to opera.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
