She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
