cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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