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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she peed on how many people?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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