Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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