If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this is an emotional support booty call
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
