Slut skills are useful in every country.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wow bdsm is so cute
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
