he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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