how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
