I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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