Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
