Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
