Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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