I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
