It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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