We won't sleep together?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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