You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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