Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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