So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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