i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
