i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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