I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
