What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
