Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
