remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
