Sober January is a disaster.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
