I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
