Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
