jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
