First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
