Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize