I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
