I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FUCK WHALES
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