Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
