I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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