i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
