when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
