# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
