There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
