if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
