I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
