man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
