i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
