I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
