what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
