So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my being single is dangerous.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
