Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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