just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Congratulations! We have a period
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