I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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