I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
