omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
