I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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