Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
