I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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