I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I only lived at night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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