i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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