After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
