I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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