i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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